I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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