There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
