you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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