fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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