Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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