She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
