No stitches, just platelets and will power
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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