he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
