shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
