I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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