You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
