i just wanna soil my oats bro
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
