Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
