I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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