She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
