he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
