You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
