You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
