I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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