got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
