I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
