i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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