I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
