So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
