As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
