i would punch a child for taco bell
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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