She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We left an ass print on the piano.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
