Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
