wakey wakey hands off snakey
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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