nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
