have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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