I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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