im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
