first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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