Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
