Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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