I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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