The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
