bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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