i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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