THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
