so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
