my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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