Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
