You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
