Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
