Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
