I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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