When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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