just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
