How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
