You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
