Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
